I Spy A Wicked Pain
by LillyBear88
Summary: My worst fears had come true. I always knew I wasn't good enough for Edward. That I wasn't beautiful enough, but I could have lived without the proof. Edward/Bella/OC


**So this was actually a dream I had, and now I can't stop thinking about it. So here we are. **

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own any twilight characters. **

My brown hair was plastered to my face, which incidentally was coated with a thin, but seemingly heavy coat of sweat. My wild brown eyes scanned my room in a frenzied panic, the same panic that had erupted into my heart and sent it beating frantically, almost as if my chest could barely contain it. Contain the heart that didn't belong to me.

My heart was torn, it was somewhere between Edward and Jacob. Between people so different, yet so the same. Between my lover and my best friend. Like it was constantly being ripped and torn, never having a moments peace to figure out what it wanted.

There was never one moment in a day that I wasn't thinking about either Jacob or Edward. They were even in my dreams. Edward was gone, and somehow, my brain had accepted it, but my heart refused. Stubborn. As always.

I had tried to hold back on the screaming in my dreams, but sometimes I couldn't. My dreams would almost drown me. In every way. The screams that were emitting from my mouth reached my ears, but it was almost as if I was under water. That they were strangely muffled.

And my breathing, every time Edward appeared, either in a memory or in a dream, and sometimes in near death situations ( if I was lucky) it was as if my lungs inflated. They inflated so much, that the air was tight, and I couldn't breathe; but I also couldn't exhale.

Charlie had tried to get me to live with Renee, and I had even sort of wanted to. But I just couldn't bring myself to leave the place that had witnessed probably the greatest tragedy of my life. Plus, there was no Jacob in Florida. No personal sun, no constant confidant, no personal cheer. I couldn't bare it if both Edward and Jacob were lost in my life.

I hated living in Forks, but I loved it all the same. I would see little things and they would remind me so much of.. Edward. When in the cafeteria I would see the table, the table where Edward and I had sat together for the first time. The table where he had not so secretly stolen my bottle cap, and hidden it in his pocket.

I would sit alone at our biology table, and sometimes I would glance over, wishing that somehow my brown eyes would meet his melting topaz eyes. Sometimes I could swear that his smell was near and my heart would thump loudly, but he was never there. It seemed that now, not only was my mind and heart playing tricks on me as well, my nose had joined the party too.

Sometimes at twilight I would think of his words, and of how he said it was safest times for vampires. How he spoke of times that well exceeded my own life, and things like that. He would say little things, things that reminded me of how old he was, and how old he would grow to be eventually.

I couldn't listen to music anymore, and I knew it was because of him. Every CD reminded me of him. Of his gigantic music collection, of several roes of CD's lining the walls of his room. Of the precious melody he would play me on the grand piano in his house. Of the CD he had made me for my birthday.

Silver cars were the worst. Whenever a car, that happened to be silver and even slightly resembled his Volvo made me heart leap. I would wildly hope that he would leap out of the car and run into my arms. That he would tell me that he would never leave me, that he was here forever.

I understood that Charlie was worried, but he didn't understand. Nobody could. I t

I understood why Charlie was so worried, I mostly avoided mirrors and other reflective surfaces at this point. Whenever faced with one I would look away, avoid seeing my reflection. I was afraid of what I might see, afraid that perhaps if I looked too hideous that Edward would never come back, and that maybe Jacob would abandon me too.

Sometimes at school I would catch my reflection on the window of someone's car, or a glass showcase door, and I would cringe, emotionally, mentally and physically. My once overflowing, and non - secretive brown eyes were dull and faded, deepening until they were almost a black color. My eyelashes seem to have given up, as instead of framing my eyes, they drooped down heavily.

My partially white translucent looking skin, was stretched, I hadn't gained any weight. I sometimes mused that perhaps it was my misery, and anger that stretched out my insides. It was bumpy and marked, as I no longer cared for it, or myself. If I got hurt then so be it.

My brown hair had always been flat, but now it was horrid. Greasy, and uncontrollable, it was a mess. Sometimes in a half attempt I would try and comb through it with my fingers, or flatten it down during school, but I couldn't bring myself to care about something as shallow as my hair, not in a time like this.

The worst thing about my looks was my face, my once almost ruddy cheeks were sunken in, and stretched tightly over my high cheekbones. My nose seemed almost too big for my face, and soon I would look like a nose with limbs attached.

And my eyes. The bags under them made me look unreal, and not to mention zombie-like. They were deep, sallow, dark and baggy, almost like all of my excess skin had been gathered there, just to draw attention to my agony.

I wished with all of my might that Edward would change me, that he would make me a vampire. He wanted me to stay human, and I didn't understand why. He was so impossibly beautiful, and I was plain. I figured that as I got older I would eventually become horrid looking, and Edward would leave me, for some pretty blonde vampire. I had hoped he would see me point of reason.

But...Hope. Hope was a dangerous thing. Something that could make and break the amount of time you were in pain. Hope destroyed me. I had hoped and wished with all of my being that Edward would stay with me, make me his forever. That somehow he loved me as much as I loved him.

My life was havoc, but I never realized that there could be things that were worse than those days, worse than my own personal dark age, worse than even the pain. The days set to come.

Once again, my day had started like any other. I woke up, drenched in sweat, and my eyes popped wide, as if something would appear, something dangerous and deadly. I inwardly laughed to myself, I had an angry, revenge seeking vampire trying to hunt me down, and avenge her dead mate-and I Bella Swan-am afraid of the closet monster?

Ridiculous.

I rolled out of bed, throwing on a pair of plain black sweat pants, and a white t-shirt with my blue Parka, and headed out the door, hoping that Charlie wouldn't stop me, and try to talk. I knew he was just trying to help, but he only made it worse. Him and that stupid doctor he wanted me to go see.

Luckily for me, Charlie was already gone when I got up, so I sat in the kitchen, trying to will myself to eat in silence. I stared at the cereal, its crunchy flakes turning into piles of mush, and waited. That's mostly what I do now, wait. Wait for something to happen.

After a half an hour of constantly looking at the clock, then looking back to my cereal, I sighed, grabbed my bag and journeyed out to my truck, climbed in, and took off down the street - my car rumbling all the way. When I got to school, everyone turned and stared, I froze, hallway out of the cab and looked around carefully. I wondered what they were staring at.

Surely my state was nothing of a shock to them, they all knew how it was. But something about toady was different, and I was dying to figure it out.

I saw Jessica and Lauren looking at me with a mixture of panic and shagrin, and Angela looked frantic. Her warm eyes darting back and forth between me and something that appeared to be behind me.

I turned slowly, my eyes narrowing slightly, wondering what it could be. As soon as I turned, it donned on me that it wasn't me that they had been staring at. It was _them._

The silver Volvo and red glossy convertible glinted in the light, and flash of searing pain burned through the hole in my chest.

Out came Rosalie, her long blonde hair pulled into a tight bun, her immortal face scowling, beside her was Emmet, his curls bouncing at his slight swagger, and a sheepish expression crawled onto his oddly innocent face.

Next came Jasper, who's curls swayed in the wind, his eyes wary looking and his gaze had been averted, to anywhere but me. Then he pulled Alice out, who had a blank face, but a frantic and worrisome look in her topaz eyes.

My heart swelled, and leaped to my neck. Then he stepped out. Edward. His messy bronze hair flipped slightly to the side, his eyes guarded and careful, as if I was an enemy he was approaching. I hadn't noticed the other vampire in the car.

Out of the silver Volvo came the most glorious women I had ever seen. She was more beautiful than Rosalie, and it sent a wave of agony through my whole being. She had long curls of ebony black hair, with a pointed face, and large round golden eyes, with just the smallest hint of orange in them. Her skin was pale white, and assumingly ice cold. She was average height, maybe a little taller than myself, and her eyes narrowed at me.

" Bella." Edward sighed, scanning his gaze over my pale, extremely vulnerable frame.

" Who . . is . . . she." I choked out, my voice half strangled. My heart felt as if it wanted to hang itself from my esophogus.

" Her name is Chelsea." Emmet said, looking at the dark haired woman.

" We found her in England." Jasper added, glancing in my general direction.

" Carlisle changed her, when she was hit by a drunk driver." Alice said, looking over at the woman fondly.

" She's Edward's mate." Rosalie said, her glorious face somewhat smug.

" I'm so sorry." The woman said, her striking face apologetic, and her angelic, accented voice was soft.

" Back off." I bit out, and everything inside me throbbed.

He has a mate, he loves her. He's her Edward now. He belongs to her.

My worst fears had come true. I always knew I wasn't good enough for Edward. That I wasn't beautiful enough, but I could have lived without the proof.

" Goodbye my love." He said, and they all vanished, their car's speeding off in the distance, as I crumbled, everyone's panicked voices fading, my eyes stared ahead, my head thumping hard against the door of the truck. There was one picture I wished I could get out my head.

The thin, silver wedding back on her left hand.

**Hey. My first attempt at a Edward/Bella hurt fic, and I'm rather pleased with it. Let me know if you are!**

**REVIEW.**


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